Seriously, a robot could do this job.
I will soon be replaced by an old school tape recorder…each morning press the button and hear:
Good morning sweet thing…Peanut, honey, that voice is a little loud for so early. Can you please…honey, please be gentle with the cat. Peanut, furniture is not for banging…Please brush your teeth. Please put down the seat.
Please eat your breakfast. Honey, that’s what you asked me to make, so eat it or make your own breakfast. Babe, please keep the food on your plate not in your hair. Please face your food. Please put your legs under the table and face your food. If you’re done, get down. Peanut, playing with your food means you’re done, so please get down…Okay, then eat…Fine. Get down….Then EAT!
Please get your clothes. You’re right…don’t get your clothes. I’m faster at getting clothes so I’ll just go get them for you…what? You’ll do it? No way. Please don’t dress yourself or I’ll get so, so, so angry. Oh, dear, no…. Love, you need a jacket. Fine, don’t wear it, but choose one just in case.
Sweetie, whistles and megaphones are outside toys. So are bicycles. So is that fishing pole and hockey stick. Would you like help choosing an inside toy? Please come outside if you’re going to throw the ball; in the house we roll balls. We roll balls inside, P. Peanut! Roll the ball or go outside, those are your choices.
P, jumping off the couch is okay, but jumping off the cat tree is not. Sweetness, please listen to me: that is not safe. If you jump off the cat tree you will get hurt. I’m not going to say it again…I’m sorry you got hurt, but I told you not to do that. Mommies know what can hurt you. We make rules to keep you safe not to irritate you. Yes, I know rules are irritating. So is enforcing rules.
Please eat your food. Please face your food. Please stop that. Please help me. Please listen. Please wash your hands. Please put that away. Please stop yelling. Please answer me. Please listen. Please answer me. Please listen. Please answer me. Please eat your food. Please face your food. Please make better choices. Please…ppppppplllllllzlzzzzz rhskf kdmnewik sdofnm rrr rojmksdfnk r r r …
Even the damned tape recorder broke doing that shit every day.
NaptimeWriting 
BAWHAHA. FIRST HERE!
Sorry. This is something that people in Taiwan do when they comment on popular blogs. *whistle while looking innocent*
I told my kids that they are turning me into a broken tape recorder. Guess what my youngest said? “What is a tape recorder?”
“Please put down the seat.”
We all need robots for this one. Just get a robot. Don’t bother wasting your breath.
subWOW you slay me. Don’t whistle while looking innocent. Stand up and Cheshire cat your first comment! ;-)
Also, duct tape youngest for not knowing what a tape recorder is.
jc I’ve actually thought about letting it go. But the rest of womanity need me to succeed. Big Brother recording piped into the loo it is.
Is anyone else picturing Rosie from the Jetsons? Just me, then? Okayyy.
I was, indeed, picturing Rosie from the Jetsons and then I remembered the episode where she fell in love and got her heart broken and so she broke, and all she could do was slouch along and say “Eeeeep. Beep Beep. Rosie.”
Which makes me old. Old enough to know damn well what a tape recorder is.
Nap, your day sounds eerily like mine. Except by the end I’m no longer saying Please.
“Yes, I know rules are irritating. So is enforcing rules.”
Why, oh why, can kids not be born with empathy?
You just described my life! When I had a sore throat, a really bad one, a few years ago (while homeschooling my daughter and juggling two babies) I made signs for all my “usual phrases.” It was depressing how many times I actually had to use them!
Envisioning Rosie from the Jetsons here too!
Anyone else who watched the original show when young think that we’d actually have that kind of households when we grew up? No? Me neither. *blush*
Poor Nap. I’m sick of saying the same things over and over again, too. Sick, I tell you! Sick! Sick! Sick! (Clearly, I can’t even not do it in regular conversation anymore. Sigh.)
Oh Nap…and to think that I do it at school AND at home! It is a wonder that I can speak at all! Oh, wait, repeating the same thing over and over again doesn’t count, right?
As for Rosie, I would pay ANY amount of money to have one…why can’t Hanna Barbera have also gone into domestic engineering (sniff)…
Remember when your mom would say she hated sounding like a broken record? That’s why my Mother’s Day cards are more like apology letters.
Ummmmm…can I borrow that tape?
PS I just had this exact conversation with Nino this morning. “Mommies know what can hurt you. We make rules to keep you safe not to irritate you. Yes, I know rules are irritating. So is enforcing rules.”
Except you said it better than I did. I think my conversation may have involved some threats for closet locking.