Sincerely, kind of, but not really

[This post will run high on the "seriously, could you come up with a less important blog post?" list of all-time lamest posts, but I am, at least, in earnest when I pose the following question:]

How should I close emails?

Of course I want to know how you sign off on electronic correspondence. And voicemail messages, if pertinent. But I can’t pull off what many of you more interesting, cosmopolitan, and sociable people can. So the way you close emails might be, at the very least, irrelevant; and, more likely, quite depressing. For you are, by definition, cooler than I am. And any reminder of that is wince-worthy.

I cannot, for instance, sign an email “ciao”. I know a glamorous former professor who can pull that off, and a woman who studied in Italy for a decade. I am not not that cool.

I can’t abide “sincerely,” for most often I’m not all that sincere in my communiques. “Sarcastically,” strikes a bit too close to home. “Bipolarly,” perhaps?

“Peace,” seems pretentious used by anyone but the Dalai Lama.

“Later,” seems too juvenile.

“—My Name” is too cold and too byline-ish.

“Warmly,” is a blatant lie.
“Cheers,” is a possibility but might lead me to cave in and start the binge drinking.
“See ya,” is unseemly and “hasta” is inscrutable. “Toodles,” gives me a nervous tic.
“Yours,” is revolting.

“Barely hanging in there,” seems too honest. So does, “yours in cookies.”

So what do you propose?

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